In Search of the Spammers
spam and even more spam...
If you’ve ever blogged on anything or anyone one things for sure the spammers will come. Like thieves in the night – they’re poised to leave that comment on your blog for the sake of a bit of link love back to their freely listed web page. But not all spammers are the same – here using a range of paradigms, theories and experimentation (which were not actually utilised) I come up with an ad-hoc list to give you the lowdown on those pesky critters.
So why leave a comment?
Well the search engines count back-links to sites as one of the factors for where a site or page will rank. Enter the spammer – trusted with a semi education in something and a lack of education in something else. They’ve got their eye on the prize. Yep, page one ranking on Google for hemeroid surpositories (this time next year the’ll be guzillionaires) . But who are these dastardly foes and how did they learn how to use a computer?
Armed with nothing but all the resources I needed I spent some time covertly attempting to go undercover in sinestor world of the spammer. Five minutes later I was getting nowhere so I made the rest up. Enjoy.
Spamming Profiles
The Spammer Scraper – Uses an automated piece of software whereby a generic message is displayed. Only thing is their actual message of ‘great post’ whilst linking to a site that sells student debt isn’t quite gonna cut it.
The SEO Commentor – He’s read the first few pages of chapter one out an SEO book and now he means business! He’s on a warpath and your site is just another hurdle to Google domination…Wait he’s using XXX as link text. Better move on to chapter two – fail…
The Shrewd Commentor – He’ll post a message linking to one site and straight away will write another irrelevant comment for another site just below – but will keep the same email address. How shrude. This guys so shrude he’s dangerous – well a danger to himself anyway.
The Good Ole Plain Dumb Spammer – the anchor text will be garbage and so will the comment. And as for the Url…. Sorry, looks like you’re not inline to that million dollar fortune. I smell a career change – you may need to get some new business cards made for your next venture. Just one tip ‘Spammer’ wasnt the best way to describe your job title.
Fear not – for the woodbe spammers out there here’s a guide to help you change your choice of meat to something more wholesome
Help for Spammers
For a start how about reading the article. I realise this is ultra radical thinking – but its this sort of thinking that enabled Voyager to have such a cool name.
Learn to spell – hey here’s a wacky idea why not use a spell check. Only thing is spellchecks are ok but when you use words like…. ”mayke monee” Your guess is as good as mine…
Learn to structure a sentance properly
Dont think the writer is as stupid as you are.
Otherwise quit whilst your behind.
(I can’t wait to see the sort of SPAM this post will bring)
If you’ve come across another ‘species’ of spammer please let me know.
UPDATE: Since writing this post SPAM has gone through the roof…Did I touch a nerve?
(Image source – freezelight)
